Guess Who's Back?

You hear that gnawing sound? That's guilt eating away at me. Don't worry, it's not painful in this form (because a lot of times Guilt is a bad thing). Guilt is actually helpful this time in forcing me to get my act together.

I haven't written in a while and Guilt here knows I haven't been good about my eating habits. It's always the eating part that makes this healthy thing so hard for me. My appetite taunts me. It sits with me at dinner and pokes me on the shoulder like a kid. "Hey, hey, hey. Don't you want seconds? What about chocolate? You should have some pancakes with lots of butter and syrup. That sounds good. You deserve it; you've been stressed out this week." So, I do. If I don't, it'll just keep buggin' me. And since I live alone, no one but me and my appetite knows that I've given in "just one last time".

It's becoming very discouraging for me, since I keep giving in. Sometimes I feel as if I have no control. I try to use that tips that I know - Drink lots of water. Eat fruit. Don't deny yourself, simply have what you want in moderation. 

I was getting better at doing those things, but then I'd have a bad day and eat what I want. The next day I'd feel guilty (the bad kind of guilty), beat myself up for it, feel sorry for myself and then I'd eat even more because I'm an emotional eater. What an endless cycle.

Although the  healthy eating hasn't gotten any better, I haven't given up. I've been working out an average of four days a week now - Yoga on Mondays, Bootcamp on Wednesdays, Cardio machine the other days. I went to step kickboxing the other day. I wasn't fond of the instructor, but I might go again. I also want to add some rollerskating in there. I love skating, so I figure I should throw it into the exercise cycle.

What I need to do is learn how to use weights. I know how to do cardio. Everyone knows how to do that, but the weight room is intimidating. I don't know what I'm doing and there isn't anyone placed in the room to show me what to do. There is no strength training teacher just for me. So, I avoid the weights. Really, who wants to look like a goof in front of a bunch of other people who know what they're doing and look good?

So goes for the month of February - stop eating like I've got the metabolism of an eight year old and learn to use the weight room.