OMG! I can't believe you posted that picture of me!

Today, I untagged a photo of myself on Facebook.

What does that mean?

Let me give a brief explanation of "tagging" photos on Facebook. Say a friend posts pictures from a party and I'm in one of the photos. (This is the actual scenario, by the way.) This friend can choose to associate my name with the photo by "tagging" me. The friend can draw a square that will appear around the image of me when someone hovers the mouse cursor over my name. Also, when people view my profile, they have an option that says, "see more photos of Theresa." They can click this and photos are that "tagged" with my name will appear.

I untagged a photo. I removed the association of myself to that picture. I didn't want anyone to see this photo and know it was me. This is why I cannot give up on losing weight. I am so ashamed of how I look in photos, I would rather not be associated with the photo. I am (in a not exactly the way people use the term sort of way) attempting to disassociate from my own body. I'm guessing this is probably oh, I don't know... not good for me?

If it had been a physical photo my friend stuck on a bulletin board rather than a electronic photo album, I would have wanted to rip up the picture and the burn the negatives. Yes, lots of people do the oh-god-I-look-horrible-in-that-photo thing, but I really, really don't want to feel like that about my body no matter how bad the photo. (I want to just recognize it as that's a badly taken photo, not that's a bad photo of myself and I look so ugly). I know my size is not horrific, but I don't feel healthy and it's something kind of awful that I will untag a photo (and delete it if I could) instead of just commenting "OMG! LOL. That's such a bad picture." and moving on. (Like the chatspeak there? I knew you would.)

Tomorrow, I'm going to the doctor and asking him about weight loss and whether running the Crim in August is not a crazy, crazy goal for me. I think it's physically possible ... if I lose weight, but I also need to talk him about nutrition things and what the type of precautions I need to take if I can do the running by August - if I should walk the Crim instead of running it? Do I need to do anything different than my non-asthmatic runners?

He can't give me a magic pill, but I'm hoping I can at least talk to him about a plan of action for myself and find out if I'm on the right track. Maybe he can give me some tips or something.

Refueling

My mom is like many mothers, she gives of herself more than she takes from this world. For Christmas, I gave her a gift card to Somerset Day Spa. She talked about going there, but I knew she wouldn't go or that it would be after she'd done everything she needed to do for everyone else. 

Society has taught women to sacrifice their needs and wants, to give and to nurture and to be there for others. It isn't awful that some women put others before themselves. What's horrible is that they do this even when they can't afford to do it, when they have no energy left and when they should focus on themselves. How can you take care of someone else when you are spiritually, emotionally and physically drained yourself?

How can you live a happy, fulfilled life when you have given everything you have away without stopping to re-energize.

So that is why my mom and I spent the whole day together Friday. We went out for breakfast, we played Rock Band at Best Buy while we waited for our appointments at Somerset, we got full body massages, we went to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and then we went out for Mexican dinner. 

It was an excellent day. I didn't think about my weight loss. I didn't think about the economy. I didn't think about whether I would have money for graduate school. I didn't think about my brother living far away and getting shipped to another country who knows where who knows when. 

I just thought, 'My mom needs a break. I need a break. We deserve a break.'

So now, I'm feeling very relaxed and re-energized. I feel good. Today's a new day and I can get back to my worries, my mom can get back to her mothering and we both have the energy to face anything that comes our way.

No Baggage in 2009!

This song is a good reminder that I don't need emotional baggage in my life. So fire up for no drama in '09!